CHAPTER ONE – Ownership Go To Main Table  Go To More Book Chapters

Middle Aged and Crazy ©

By George J. Kimble

 

At middle age I must admit

Life is filled with its struggles

Often times I thought I’d quit

But some things in life are worth the trouble

 

Went down town and bought a Vette

I don’t know if that is good

I didn’t do it to win a bet

I just did it, ‘cause I could

 

I drove it fast all day long

It kindled a spark in my spirit

I don’t care if that is wrong

Around tight curves I love to steer it

 

My dear wife opines I’m out of control

I tell her, “It’s her big boy’s toy”

“To me the Vette’s V-8 is visceral”

My family is grown, what is left to enjoy?

 

Each night when I go to bed

I dream of tomorrow’s thrills

My Doctor just shakes with dread

I told him I don’t need his pills

 

Now tonight I may be dead

They won’t call me lazy

But on the stone over my head

They’ll inscribe Middle Aged and Crazy

 


Negotiating a Dream  ©

 

By George J. Kimble

 

You’ve done your homework

You’re not going to be someone’s jerk

You know it’s all very important

Now you have to face the Dream Warden

 

You have counted all your blessings

The dollars and cents you’ve been checking

You arrive at the shop and everything glistens

You breath, and notice the Dream Guards listen

 

Then a charge from a blue suited bull

Asking, “do you think that model is cool?”

He looks at you as if you are dumb

He points to the row of econo-plums

 

“Not what you really had in mind”

You are being careful, trying to be kind

You want a roadster, the Corvette car

That’s your dream, your shinning star

 

The dream police are not very nice

Especially when they start talking price

He says,” The window sticker is five digits”

He mentions your credit as if you are a midget

 

You tell him you know, that is only the makers suggestion

He cringes and coughs like he has congestion

So you give him a bid very plain

And mention the dealership just down the four-lane

 

“Will you commit to buy today?”

“What did you bring in for a trade?”

Words roll off his tongue like butter off a blade

He is the master of gesture and charade

 

You catch your reflection in the showroom glass

You ask yourself, “Why am I pleading with this ass”

Wondering, Is it possible in the grand scheme

To unshackle the Corvette of your dreams

He banters a lot, you shuck and jive

A mutual price has arrived

He swears the Dream Warden won’t be pleased

He shakes your hand and gives you the keys

               

You fill out papers one after another

Crap! They even want the name of your mother!

You feel like he has you in some kind of trance

Back out now, not a chance!

 

You feel like you’ve just made your biggest boner

But, at this moment you are the proud owner

Your life savings you have bet

On your dream convertible Corvette

 

Now the Corvette has been through dealer prep

To its side you float, not step

Oh, The thrill of that first ride

You’ve gone to heaven, you must have died

 

Was this all a mistake?

You pinch yourself, you are awake!

Your new Vette is not pretend

Your new Corvette is the living end!


Love Your New Car     ©

                By George J. Kimble

 

A strange encounter in the street

Two ol’ buddies happen to meet

Best of friends in times long past

Conversations like these made their friendship last

 

Hey, my friend, I see you have a new set of wheels

Did you get a really good deal?

You must be really proud of it!

Man, I really love it!

 

So your car is brand new,

Let me suggest some things for you to do

Wouldn’t you like to personalize?

Your personality, your machine, should epitomize!

 

Adding some gusto should be your first inclination

How about a high flow air filter for better acceleration

Then get the Chip reprogrammed

Get the windows tinted and monogrammed

 

Install a high power ignition box

Buy a sound system that really rocks

Those factory wheels have gotta go

Put on some chrome five spokes that actually glow

 

Walk around back and look at this thing

I think you need a giant wing

Put some ground effects on those sides

Pop on some low profile tires, extra wides

 

For a better exhaust note, get some Corsa tubes

Get a bra, even if there ain’t no boobs

Upsize the shocks to reduce body roll

Change the gear set, for coming out of the hole

 

Now let’s see under the hood

Everything there, has to look good

How about bright yellow plug wires

And vacuum hoses too, if you desire

 

A lot of those parts you should chrome plate

And powder coated valve covers always look great

Get stainless steel brackets and radiator hose sheaves,

And don’t forget, a talking burglar alarm to deter the thieves

 

Better get a hood with an intake bubble

You can install it, without any trouble

You are gonna need it, when you install that blower

I think your car would look better if it were lowered

 

Every car needs halogen fog lights

And neon underneath for Cruise-In nights

Racing stripes and a few well placed stickers

Will make your car appear a whole lot quicker

 

Inside trimmed with yellow and day glow green

Will compliment your new Chameleon paint scheme

When you roll up, It will scream your name

It will be your claim to fame

Man you are gonna have a blast

Just dig deep and pony up some cash

You will be the high way star

When ever you have finished your car

 

Good to see you my friend

Your new car is the living end

I love it

And you should be proud of it


Black She Devil   ©

                By George J. Kimble

 

As I walked from the cafe

I couldn’t take my eyes away

There she sat Black as the Night

The curves of her body meant for delight

 

That Black She Devil possessed my mind

She shook my sole with a spell of some kind

In my heart I knew it was wrong

I had a dream that lasted all night long

 

I related this mystical to my brother

I told him , “In my heart there could be no other”

He said, “Now little brother this ain’t funny”

“That She Devil will take all your money”

 

The very next night I had to return

Like a moth to the light I yearned

As I neared from across the street

God, I thought I could feel her heat !

 

My body with surreal passion shook

As I gave her that fleeting look

I must have been suspended in time

When a man approached her from behind

 

Like a caress he gently touched her

From that altered state I heard her murmur

Then all at once in that twilight gloom

Into the darkness they did zoom

 

Who he was I soon discovered

From her lure he had recovered

With no malice, he was actually pleased

My interest in her could be his release

 

Like a romance novel character

I promised I’d take good care of her

Now many years have passed in raptured glory

And it’s only now that I can tell this story

 

I would do it all over and regret it not

This love affair has grown so hot

And by now you have guessed I’ll bet

I just was talking about my Black Corvette


We Aim to Please     ©

                                                 By George J. Kimble

       

Cars malfunction. It is well known

On occasion we realize something has blown

We think about the repair bill and mumble and groan

We then go to the repair shop “The Ludicrous Zone”

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

You limp your car in with a small odd noise

The service manager is younger than any of your boys

He writes down everything you say about your toy

Your worried look seems to give him joy

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

He is told it is just a little tic tic

You ask if he can fix it quick

His canned response is: after some diagnostics

He nods ominously to a sinister mechanic

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

You try to indicate it is in the front end

You try to emulate the sound and pretend

The manager calls over the wrench and two of his friends

You realize you are a sideshow and bring it to an end

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

Now suddenly appears some zombie looking man

He has carpet covers and plastic bags in his hand

He walks past three times where you stand

“All this to protect your car, Ain’t it grand?”

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

He places the covers on the passenger’s seat

He is careful and exceptionally neat

But that little performance will have no repeat

As he jumps right into the driver’s side with his greasy feet

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

Now you are directed to the customer lounge

“Free coffee in there”, for you to scrounge

You had a friend go in there and has never been found

You elect to tour the showroom and walk around

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

You wear out a new pair of shoes

Ever sales person tries to sell something to you

You expected that, It is like paying your dues

But, You dispatch them all, just singing the blues

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

You hear your name over the P-A

You think, Boy, I’m out of here quick today!

You chase down the manager to hear him say

This is expensive, but luckily the part is on the way

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

This is when something strange attacks your brain

The time you ask him to please explain

He starts talking, but it is not very plain

He says,” It’s the cross-over kindawigdet drain”

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

You say you have never heard of such a device

And how could it have such an awful price

“Okay” he says, “I’ll be nice”

“The cost for labor, I will slice”

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

You will go home and wait, that is the plan

So now you walk to the courtesy van

Then you realize you walked, but you should have ran

Because, it is packed full, as a sardine can

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

You go to the waiting room filled with dread

So many bodies they all appear dead

Glazed eyes cast upon you, but nothing is said

You eye the clock and slowly shake your head

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

Seasons pass faster than a repairman’s chore

Eternity will pass and Ravens speak nevermore

Before you are ever summoned through the door

To take that walk across the service bay floor

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

Now at last they say they are done

You write a check and that’s no fun

You are given your keys at the setting of the sun

Now you experience the first test run

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

 

You head out toward your home

In a repaired car you start to roam

And when that damn Tic Tic starts to drone

You decide to fix it yourself and avoid, “The Ludicrous Zone”

Do Do do do, Do Do do do

Shade Tree   ©

                By George J. Kimble

 

Time comes and time goes

What’s to come, no one knows

Changes happen for reasons that boggle the mind

Now days, mechanical systems have computers, of every kind

Cars, now days, are designed by a computer's plan

And the assembly lines, by Robots, are manned

In our cars the world has gone hyper-tech

It is for the environment and to reduce our ability to wreck

Computers measure the air to fuel mix

They make hydraulic brakes do non-slip tricks

Information about driver in-puts by Giga-bites

Determine if the driver is doing all right

Calculations in nano-seconds stream into cyber-brains

All this for better stops whenever it rains

Pitch and yaw get measured and to chips are dumped

Shocks are adjusted so our asses don’t feel the bumps

Steering angle is delivered via fly by wire

No feel of the road does it require

Heads up displays blur the window screens

Flashing computer lingo; I don’t know what it means

The computer keeps thieves from pilfering my glove box

When I leave my car it automatically locks

If perchance, the window, a crook breaks

Obscene sounds the computer makes

Headlights burn all day, to let others know, they are not alone

And I can take care of business on the installed cell phone

Laser and infra-red beams

Through fiber optic cable streams

Thousands of watts of audio power

Playing electronic  music by the hour

If I am lost; Just push a button to satellite navigate

All these wonders are made so I can concentrate

When a nail makes a tire go flat

Detectors warn us all about that

But, we don't need to ever stop

Because, our run flats never go floppity-flop

Gee whiz and golly wow

What if I should hit a cow

Not to worry if you should have a crash

An air bag pillow is deployed from the dash

And to protect our precious bones

These machines have built in crumple zones

Engines dive to the ground

Just more pieces to be found

In time, we know, all things deteriorate

So at that time, we  will commiserate

Lamenting, the Techno-mechanic’s computer generated fee

And the days we did repairs under a big Shade Tree

 

 

 

 


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